How to get your life back in balance after a major setback.

In 2021, I found out I was expecting a second baby. The news threw me completely off balance! I was genuinely shocked and disappointed in myself. That was not the plan. The plan was to wait five years (after the birth of my first baby in 2019), finish my PHD, pull my business (The Lunchbox) through the first five years of existence, lose weight and prepare my body for childbirth before getting pregnant again.

At that time, all I could see was the setbacks and the challenges. I had to put my PhD on hold because it was overwhelming to study, work, do business and be pregnant. I wasn't performing at my best in any of the above. I couldn't even go out to blow off some steam because of the extreme pregnancy fatigue I was experiencing. I started to feel left out. Everything was just so exhausting and overwhelming. Do you ever find yourself feeling exhausted or overwhelmed like this?

When life is not balanced, it may feel as though you have neglected your needs, values or priorities. You feel frustrated, overwhelmed, demotivated and sometimes depressed. However, instead of focusing on that particular moment, it is still possible to look towards the future in anticipation of what it may hold. It is possible to navigate your way through the chaos and work towards achieving a sense of balance. 

In this article, I will explain how I worked through my disappointment, depression and downward spiral to not only finding myself again but also going on to win a business grant for The Lunchbox, landing a new job as the in house Business Coach at the Orange Digital Center and starting a second business: 231 Wellness.

Be realistic.

The first thing I had to do was accept myself and my reality and the reality was, I had done everything I could do to prevent myself from getting pregnant but it happened anyway. Although it wasn't my ideal timing, I did want to have a second baby and here she was. So I had to pull myself together (though it took me almost 6 months) to care for myself and the baby. I knew to do that meant reducing my workload so I put the school on hold and delegated a lot of my responsibilities with Lunchbox to my Admin. I focused only on what I could accomplish in a day, and spent my extra time resting. Your situation may not be the same as mine but for you to find your balance again, you must be real with yourself and accept yourself and your situation. That's the first step to finding your balance.

Visualize your ideal life.

What do you really want? What does a balanced life look like? For me, it's a healthy body, loving family, strong prayer life, paying job/business, and good friends. If you can see the life you want, you can achieve the life you want. Once you visualize what you want, ask yourself "what do I need to do to achieve it?"  which brings me to my next step.

Focus on one thing at a time.

Once you define what needs to be done, organize them. Decide what you can do now and work on that. The easiest way to abandon your goal is to take on too much at one time. When you take on too many things at the same time, quality is sacrificed in the process and you end up getting exhausted. Instead, work on your goals one at a time. At that point, I chose to focus on my health and my business. I continued to pray but I didn't work on my specific goals because it was too heavy at that time. Once I give birth and won a grant for my business, I redirected focus on getting my prayer life on track. I still haven't gotten around to strengthening my relationships but it's on my list of things to do.

Take it one day at a time.

Once you start, don't think about the end think about the "now". If you think about how long it takes to for example build a new habit or  recover postpartum, you will get frustrated right at the beginning because it takes a long time. Instead, try to avoid obsessing over the future and focus on what you can do today. Creating a healthy, balanced life requires you to be present and aware. This awareness can only be achieved by intentionally focusing on one day at a time.

Learn to say no.

Most of us are easily persuaded to do things outside of our plan either because we think we may not get the chance to do it in the future or because we want to please other people. Before you take on anything, you must think about your goals, current responsibilities and available time. Saying yes to things that you cannot realistically accomplish is a sure way to take you off balance and increase your stress. Instead, say no! Saying no to things that take you away from your goals is a form of self love. Intentionally do things that give you comfort, peace, health, and happiness. Make a deliberate effort to prioritize your needs. 

While it's not possible for every aspect of your life to align at every point in time, you certainly hold the key to ensuring that your life is lived the way you want it lived. It starts by setting your intentions and staying true to who you are and what you hope to achieve in your life. Setting intentions comes with a little practice but it's not impossible to do. In my next article, I will share more but for now focus on these tips to regain your balance and start feeling more like yourself again.